Assertiveness and Interpersonal Influence

Assertiveness is the behavior that enables a person to act in their own best interests, stand up for themselves without undue anxiety, express their honest feelings comfortably, and exercise their own rights without denying others' rights.

As businesses globalize and coordination becomes a larger part of every job, every employee is in the business of selling ideas. Buy-in and commitment come from effectively communicating goals and vision. But too often, people cower behind imagined reactions and responses. They either don’t say anything or only say what they believe the other person wants to hear. They avoid confrontation at all costs.

This avoidance fails us. We forget that our communication can motivate others and lead to better outcomes. By contrast, interpersonal influence – behaving thoughtfully and intentionally, considering others’ situations, while finding common ground – drives forward movement and positive outcomes.

Let’s get into how assertiveness and interpersonal influence work together to deliver the greatest impact on success.

Recommended Assessment

Interpersonal Influence Inventory

• Identify your influence style
• Learn why assertive behavior yields results
• Understand the effect of other influence styles

Learn more

The Interpersonal Influence Model

When attempting to influence others, two key behavioral dimensions form to create your influence style:

• Openness in communication is an individual’s willingness to disclose their thoughts, feelings, past experiences, and reactions to others. People are willing to disclose information about themselves to varying degrees. At one end of the spectrum are people who disclose very little, playing their cards “close to the vest.” At the other end are people who speak their thoughts and feelings directly and fully.
• Consideration for others reflects respect for others’ rights, opinions, and feelings. At one extreme are people who have little respect for others' opinions, feelings, and reactions. At the other extreme are people who defend and attempt to preserve the rights of others as strongly as they do their own.

The amount of openness and consideration that people show in their behavior determines the influence style they use.

Assertiveness, which is a combination of high openness and high consideration, has been found to be the most effective for building trust, collaboration, and lasting results.

Key Facts About Assertiveness

Below are some facts about assertiveness:

• Assertiveness is a behavior, not a permanent trait. People are not born assertive. Assertiveness is a set of skills that can be learned.
• Assertiveness is not universal. People do not behave assertively or non-assertively all the time. Certain situations make assertive behavior more likely.
• Assertiveness must be viewed in context. What is considered assertive in the United States may be seen as rude in other cultures. Different situations also call for different behaviors.
• Assertiveness only occurs when a person can freely choose their actions. Sometimes, situations are so constraining that assertive behavior is not possible.
• Assertive behavior is socially effective and non-hurtful. It is not about getting one’s own way or causing harm to others.

Assertive Examples in the Workplace

Here are some common workplace examples and the different ways people respond based on their behavior.

Example 1: You are overloaded with tasks and are given another that you cannot manage.

• Passive: "Sure, I'll manage somehow" (while resenting it).
• Openly Aggressive: "This is ridiculous! Handle it yourself!"
• Concealed Aggression: Agree outwardly, then delay or sabotage subtly.
• Assertive: "I appreciate the need, but my plate is full. Let's prioritize or reassign to meet deadlines effectively."

Example 2: You’re in a team meeting, and someone pitches a new idea.

• Passive: Silence despite concerns.
• Openly Aggressive: "Your idea won't work—move on."
• Concealed Aggression: Sarcastic agreement that undermines later.
• Assertive: "I value that input, but I see risks here. Here's my perspective and a potential adjustment."

Techniques to Build Assertive Interpersonal Influence

To develop assertive communication and behaviors, shift toward high openness and high consideration with these tips:

1. Use “I” Statements: Own your perspective! Share how you feel by starting your sentences with “I…”
2. Repeat Yourself: In certain situations, you’ll need to stick to your original point and repeat yourself so you’re heard. For example, “As I mentioned, my current commitments prevent that. Let’s discuss options.”
3. Neutralize Criticism: Own your mistakes without putting yourself down. For example, “You’re right, the report was delayed, and I’ll address that going forward by…”
4. DESC: Describe, Express, Specify, Consequences. For example, "When updates arrive late (D), it delays my work (E). If you could please submit by noon (S) so we stay on track, that would be great (C)."

Overcome Barriers to Assertive Interpersonal Influence

Understandably, developing assertive influence can be intimidating because it puts you outside of your comfort zone. But with practice, especially in low-stakes situations, you can confidently develop your skills. Use some of these tips to help you do so:

1. Role-Play Scenarios: The best way to feel prepared is by practicing real-world scenarios, so when a situation arises, you already know what to say.
2. Build Emotional Awareness: Pause before responding to choose openness and consideration in the moment.
3. Seek Feedback: Ask trusted peers how you come across to others to identify areas for improvement.

Develop Assertive Interpersonal Influence with HRDQ

To learn more, check out the Interpersonal Influence Inventory assessment and workshop. This eye-opening tool shows if your style is openly aggressive, concealed aggressive, passive, or assertive.

An HRDQ bestseller for over 20 years, it has helped thousands identify their style, understand how they appear to others, and become more effective communicators.