Listening Skills Training

Active listening helps people feel more understood and strengthens relationships as it signals a willingness to sit with the other’s perspective and empathy for their situation instead of singular focus on oneself. It keeps you engaged with your conversation partner in a positive way. It also makes the subject feel heard and valued. This skill is the foundation of a successful conversation in any setting—whether at work, at home, or in social situations.

Becoming a better listener requires being fully present in the conversation. This enables you to concentrate on what is being said. Being present involves listening with all your senses (sight, sound, etc.) and giving your full attention to the speaker. To use this technique effectively, put away your cell phone, ignore distractions, avoid daydreaming, and shut down your internal dialogue. Place your focus on your conversation.

As much as 65% of a person's communication is unspoken. Paying attention to nonverbal cues can tell you a lot about the person and what they are trying to say. If they talk fast, for instance, this could be a sign that they are nervous or anxious. If they talk slowly, they may be tired or trying to carefully choose their words. Your own non-verbal behaviors are just as important. To show the person you're truly tuned in, use open, non-threatening body language. This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key junctures.

It's also helpful to be mindful of your facial expressions when listening so that you don't convey any type of negative response. Making eye contact is especially important. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what they say. It also shows that you aren't distracted by anything else around you.

During conversation convey your listening by reflecting what you have heard in your responses. One way to reflect what you've heard is to paraphrase. For example, you might say, "In other words, what you are saying is..." or "What I'm hearing is...". This summarization gives the person the opportunity to say whether you've captured their thoughts, ideas, and/or emotions accurately. It also helps the other person feel validated and understood while keeping any potential miscommunications to a minimum.

Be patient and non-judgmental when listening. You are listening to understand and respond. Avoid mentally preparing a reply while the other person is still speaking. And remain neutral and even-tempered in your responses to make the other person feel comfortable with sharing their thoughts. Also, don't change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience, and try not to fill periods of silence with your own thoughts or stories. A good listener will act as a sounding board rather than to jump in with their own ideas and opinions about what is being said.